Log in

Smoovester's Journal

> recent entries
> calendar
> friends
> profile
> previous 20 entries

Monday, March 31st, 2003
4:42 am - This sudden urge to type?????
Hi people, ummm, i dont know what im doing here, im bored and i need to kill a few hours, so i thought i would sit here in this internet cafe and type i way, cos i was bored of browsing half interesting websites, i get tempted to check out porn, but this is a decent place and i am surrounded by decent people and i havent got the indecency to do so!!!!

So.... i know suddenly im back with no explanation what so ever, no apologies or anything, do you know why cos im typing for myself not for you, who ever you maybe, i know that the friends i made in LJ have deserted this diary cos blatantly i dont get the chance to update anymore.

So im thinking nobodies gonna read this so i dont have to explain myself, now do i.

So Shanti's pissing me off, the whole wedding drama is, i guess its cos for women its one of the most important days intheir lives and they want it to be 100% perfect. Men, well we all get cold feet no matter how much we love the woman, im scared, but im certain, that sh'es the one, cos im a bit of a slut and i have tried and tested many women to conlude that i have hit the jackpot.

The reason why she is pissing me off is because i am getting so tired of going from Saree shop to saree shop, she has tried on hundreds of dresses and im the one who is getting tired not her, amazing, i know.

So i selfishly said that i would meet up with her one hour later as my opinion dont count on her choice of saree anyway, what the f-ck do i know about saree's to comment, you wanna look like a red christmas tree, go ahead. See.....i chose my outfit in 30 mins, its a cream Sherwaani with a cream turban and a red scarf, cos thats the lick nowadays and all the male models seem to be wearing them in magazine, iwanted her to wear a cream lengha or saree so we kinda match, but she wants to be traditional when i want to be unique.

The marriage is gonna be a small event as her parenst are still kinda ashamed of a muslim son-in-law etc, you get the picture so its gonna be her and her immediate family, and me and the whole of my clan, who are not judgemental, in front of my face that is, behind my back, well, thats a different story.

Hollywood, films, ummm Colin Farrell, horny sex mad irish bloke, its like looking in a f-ing mirror, suddenly theres someone famous i can relate to, or compare myself to, i dont look like him but we think the same and that is what i am trying to say.

What am i doing with myself? ummm im driving a mercedes s500, for tony's firm, i make about what would be £3000 dollars a week, so im happy, i wear my own suits, theres no specific uniform, and girls at traffic lights in their cars think its my car, cos im all slicked up, suited and booted driving a brand new merc, make me the popular man,plus the sound system kicks ass, which always creates attention for me, hip-hop blasting out of a car like that, just doesnt seem right, what can i say im ghetto fabulous.

shanti and i have been living together full time, i might have writeen this before, gives me a taste of what married life will be like, and i like it, loneliness, whats loneliness?, yeah thats how i feel. One of my mates, his wife gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl 3 months ago, i want one of those now, i have been bugging Shanti i really have, i know im describing this in an immature way, but i assure you, playing with that baby, rocking her to sleep, smelling the lovely babay smell on her hair and clothes, holding her close to my chest, her grabbing my thumb, damn, it touched a part of me that inever knew existed, the father in me, yes my friends i am ready to reproduce, dont be scared, im serious.

Yes i have been faithful, i really have but to be brutally honest, i wont be for long, what a bastard i am hey?, you can hate me now, but i wont stop now!!!! I am sorry to say but women are my kryptonite, and i have had some frisky passengers in my limo, and i have ben tempted but i stayed professional and faithful, bu how long can i be like this, i want to be hypnotised so i dont f-ck her around i love her too much to hurt her.

I should go now sh'es probabaly sulking cos i deserted her in soem big ass saree shop, the wedding will be definately in july but the venue and availabilty is limited, so i dont know yet, Summer wedding, la da, da da!

Bush = oil hungry mofo,thats his only motive,to take full control of the middle east, and place puppets as presidents in those countries, innocents get slaughtered, theres no way i would leave my wife and child, to travel halfway across the world to kill somebody elses wife/child/husband or end up dead myself, your country dont do shit for you so why lose your life over it? Your American, so what, you happen to be born there, dont go dying or killing over it man, people just be hating muslims, if Iraq was a Christain country, i wonder how many troops would have gone to Iraq to fight, in other words any f-ing muslim will do, just let us at them. I fi ruled the world i would just put saddam and Bush in a ring, to battle it out for themselves, they are the onhes with issues, why do so many other people have to die cos of your f-ing issues, thats it Bush go around the wrold dissarming countries, just incase they attack you, WHATEVER!! PHEW JUST HAD TOGET THAT OFF MY CHEST EVEN THOUGH I AINT POLITICAL, DOESNT MEAN I DONT CARE. PRO WAR PEOPLE CAN GO AND SUCK OUT THEIR MOTHERS, YEAH.

(4 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, January 7th, 2003
10:13 am - My Last day 4 sure........
I dont know why, why people out there,people like Preeto, Ankur,Raddy and not to forget my buddy Akash for example leave comments.
I dont know what makes them comment, I cant see them, I cant hear them, and on a personal note, in a way I dont know them.
I know them from what they say about themselves on their diaries, but we all know nobody is completely uncovered on their diaries, we all hide something and express different sides to us whenever we feel like it.

But damn those comments, they, I dont know why but they make such an impact to me, they really touch my heart, to know, there are people out there, who i have never seen but they actually laugh with me,get excited and nervous with me, and they are happy for me when something good happens to me, how did i come across such amazing people.

If you read my comments from my 2 previous posts you will see what I mean. Theres Akash, my first friend in LJ, he is one hell of an intelligent guy, who is very down to earth, very funny,modest,humble,supportive, gives great advice, and the best compliments. THen theres Ankur, who is a couple of years younger than me, but mentally he is about 10years older than me. This guy is gonna go far in life, a devoted son, an excellent friend, a top class student, who is funny, interesting,and sincere.

Your probabaly wondering why Im writing all of this, well im just expressing my feelings before I go, this is definately my last ever post, until I get another office job.

I want to tell Preeto that she is so adorable,and she is 16 going on 26, very mature and undertsanding for her age, and she is one COOL girl, she leaves really nice comments, and she has had the worst year in 2002, I just hope to god that this year is better, and I want her to know that I will pray for her too.

Finally Raddy, you sexy little minx, well how do i know you are sexy, my intuition tells me that you are.
The shady lady who has great taste in music/films/LJ's/friends.Thanks for your comments, they definately put a smile on my face, and made me feel like all this typing is worthwhile.

I love all you guys (above)thankyou for being a part of my life, and thanlk you all for your support/advice and thanks for being who you are.

I guess as this is a diary/journal that i should write something about what i have been upto.

Well Shanti and I went shopping together in one of the biggest shopping centres in England. We were shopping for engagement rings. We went there together and then we decided to split up so we can buy each other presents and then meet up and surprise each other. I found the ring I wanted to buy her within one hour, Shanti on the other hand tokk about 3 hours!!!!!

We bumped into each other a couple of times, but still kept our distance. I then waited for her in Pizza Hut for nearly an hour.
Eventually she walked in carrying loads of bags, she had been led into temptation by the january sales, and bought shit loads of clothes for herself and me.

We then showed each other the rings we had bought. I bought her a 'white gold band,encrusted with a real diamond, which cost me £750, I know its expensive but hey, she's gonna be my wife and this is my first present to her, so i wanted it to be special.

Shanti bought me a Platinum wedding band which looks the bomb, oh it was so heavy, and shiny I loved it.

So the after doing the shopping we went to my place, she ran a bath, and jumped itno it, I on the other hand went over to her place and picked up her stuff which was all nicely sealed in boxes.

Yeah she's moving in, but her parents dont know about that.

On Sunday, I had one fo the best nights ever, 5 of Shantis mates and about 6 of my friends all met up. One of the girls had booked a table for twenty at Masti's. We had an excellent time, and the Dj even said " big shout going out to Akaash and Shanti, they getting married " and then a spotlight shone at our table and I stood up, and bowed down, and everyone clapped it was quite embarassing maaan.Shanti was laughing and she looked so happy i have never seen her so happy actually. It feels good to make people so happy, just by being yourself. Isnt that amazing.

So we danced the night away, and i only had eyes for shanti ( why's my nose growing, somebody stop it).
There were so many hot honeys in there but thats life and you gotta settle down sometime, this seems to be the best time. Theres no way im gonna lose another person i love.

I am going now friends, and I dont want you to think that theres no point commenting, cos im gonna opo into internet cafes now and again, so watch out.

God bless you all, and my prayers are with you all.


The end.

(4 comments | comment on this)

Monday, December 30th, 2002
9:45 am - ........and a happy new year"
So, im back.
Im at my desk feeling really pissed off.
I couldnt sleep all night, not one bit.
I fell asleep about 5ish and woke up at 7.30.
I arrive at Holborn, and my favourite Coffee Shop happens to be closed. I walk half a mile to another Coffee shop. I buy a Latte and an Egg Muffin.
Whilst walking out the shop, a woman walks in and her handbag knocks my coffee, spilling the boiling hot fluid over my hand. Okay so now im fuming, i feel like chucking the Coffee in her face, but obviously im not gonna do that, the vision alone, satisfies me.
So now i walk into the building straight to my desk.
I unwrap the muffin and i take abig bite out of it, the boiling hot Yolk burns my lips and my tongue. "F_CK!!!!!!!" I scream in anger and frustration.
The Office is fairly quiet and people are giving me funny looks. So now im updatin my LJ.

First of all I would like give a big shout out to Preeto,Akash and Ankur.
Thank you ever so much guys, thanku.
I cant begin to tell you guys how much your comments meant to me. I know that marriage is a big step in life, especially for someone like me who is scared of commitment, but your comments, I swear to god were really reassuring. Preeto saying that " I feel Shanti, she's an awesome chick" and Ankur saying " i had a gut feeling that she would be the one for you" and Akash congratulating me and being so happy for me.
I could feel the happiness in the Text from you guys, and these messages put the hugest smile on my face. I was overwhelmed. I cant thank you enough.

So.......after I proposed to Shanti, and she realised I was sober, and she accepted my proposal.
We sat in bed talking about the FUTURE!!!

It felt really noce we were deciding on where it would be. Then what colours we were gonna wear on the big day. It actually felt really nice, i was picturing the whole thing. For the first time in my life, I felt complete. I felt like I had it all. I didnt need anything else. I dont feel scared anymore, whatever happens will happen. I realised how much she meant to me and how much she loved me. The way she nursed me when I was 'trippin' on crack.

I am no longer scared of commitment. I will devote 'my all' to Shanti, and she really does make me Shanti.

Three days later after much hesitation I went to drop her off to her flat. She got changed into traditional clothes ( for the past three days she has been wearing my sporty clothing, ie sweatpants and sweatshirts, she somehow managed to make that type of clothing sexy....anyways back to the update) and we drove to her parents house to break the news to them. I waited in the car, just in case they freaked out, and kicked my ass.

That was probably the longest half hour of my life.
She then came out of the house, her face looked emotionless, she didnt look happy or sad. SHe called me into the house. I walked in and her dad was sitting in a brown leather armchair, with his arms crossed, he looked pissed off. Her mum was standing next to him. They both looked at me up and down. Her mum then made eye contact with me and I gave her a huge smile and said " Namaste ". She tried not to smile but couldnt help her self, and she let out a huge smile. Her dad told me to sit down,he interviewed me about every aspect of my life, my fmaily,my education, my career, my hopes, my dreams and then he explained that he wasnt happy about her decision but if I made her happy, and this is what she wants, then so be it.

He then stood up to shake my hand but I bowed down and touched his feet. I stayed like that until I felt his hand on the back of my head. He picked me up by my arms and then I said " humaare liye duaah karna" ( translates: pray for us).

I could see he had tears in his eyes, and he said "mere bachee ko hameshaa khush rakhna" ( make sure you always keep my daughter happy).

He then strangely enough gave me a hug, i know, i couldnt believe it either.

I then touched her mums feet, and she stroked my head ( to any non-asians reading this, no we werent getting sexual) she was crying, and her tears were rolling down her face. It was all very emotional.

I said my goodbyes and left.

Damn, too much too soon, but its all worth it.

So much else has happened concerning my boys and partying and christmas etc, but i havent got the time to type it all now. I will probably type it on Wednesday or Thursday.

Happy new year everyone especially Akash, Ankur, Preeto and Radhika. I wish you all the best for the new year, and may god grant all your wishes.


(4 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, December 24th, 2002
1:13 pm - Silly boy......
Well folks, today is Christmas eve, and im at my desk, at work.

Im hoping our boss tells us to bugger off at 2pm.

They are all gathering around my boss's office and he had wine and beers laid out, with crisps and peanuts.
I have just walked over and grabbed a glass of white wine.
I really hate alcohol, such as beer or wine.I dont know how people can drink something they dont like the taste of.

The nice tasting drinks are Baileys and Malibu, stuff like that, which people call 'girly drinks' are what i like the taste of.


Im not gonna be back at work until Monday which is new years eve me thinks.

I dont have any plans for Christmas, but im sure my boys will come up with something.

The other night In was so stoned and i was doing really stupid things.
I got on the train, and I was laughing at people with funny looking faces, i dont know why i did that, and the sober me would never do that.

I was with my cuz, btw, and I was smoking crack, which im not so used to, each pull on the blunt, was like a punch to the head.
I was just pointing and laughing.
There was a punk on the train and he was looking at me, and shaking his head.
I said
me: whats your problem, maaaan
punk: your acting very immature
me: so what
punk:grow up
me: look at you, you grow up
punk: whats wrong with me?
me: have you seen the state of you recently?
punk: i am who i am
me: yeah but who the f-ck is gonna employ you like that
punk: who cares
me: your very immature, this rebellious shit, its aimless
punk: how?
me: your trying to rebel against the norm, against what, capitalism
punk: yeah
me: so why the f-ck do you have to dress like that
punk: because i want to be different
me: im sorry but, theres way too many punks around for you to be different
punk: im sorry but can you leave me alone now
me: no problem buddy

Okay, so i dont know why i wrote the baove, but i did, and you read it, ha ha.

SO i go home and im really hungry.
i open one of the cupboards in the kitchen, and theres three Snickers bars there. I grab one and then stand near the bin, i throw the chocolate in the bin, and was about to put the empty wrapper in my mouth.
I laugh at myself and then grab the next snickers bar, ..........guess what i did the same thing again.
I chucked the f-ing bar in the bin and nearly ate the wrapper again.
Im not lying, why would i.
i dont like making an ass out of myself, now, do i?

This time i concentrate real hard, and i eat the chocolate.
I have no saliva in my mouth, and i feel like im eating wood.
The chocolate was more or less crumbling in my mouth.

I lie on the sofa and my head starts to spin.
Suddenly my fone rings.

I pick it up and then answer it.
its Shanti, i mumble
me: hi baby, how you doing
shanti: are you ok? you dont sound too good
me: i feel like im gonna die
shanit: whats wrong, whats wrong?

I then feel so tired that I drop the fone on the floor, and i sleep.

I wake up to the sound of someone shouting my name "Akaash, open the dor baby"

I stumble towards the door.
As soon as i opne it she runs in and hugs me, so tight, real tight.

She sits me down on the sofa, and strokes my head.
I can see that she is crying and she is kissing my face.
She gets a wet tissue and puts it on my forehead.
She aske me questions like, "what have you been taking?" " what did you smoke?".

I just answer "crack".

She helps me into my bed.
Takes off my shirt, and then my trousers, so now im jst wearing my calvins and socks.
Suddenly she strats to laugh.
It kinda wakes me up.
me:what you laughing at?
her: you've got a boner, you dirty boy
me: oh that, yeah i think it recognises you
her: (laughing) your still crazy

I then feel so cold and i start to shiver, she then rubs my arms and legs, and the sole of my feet.
She then jumps in bed with me, and holds me real tight.
Slowly , slowly, my brain gets overtaken by my small brain, andi feel horny, i got the'horny buzz' now.

I start kissing her like mad, moving down to her neck, biting and sucking it,leaving her with 3 hickies, or 'love-bites' as we call them in the U.K.

Then we make love, after god knows how long.
I'll tell you somehtin, drugs can enhance your sex drive amazingly. Inearly shagged her to death.

So after the 'shagging' I have a shower (and she joins me), which wakes me up.
Shanti then makes us some coffee, which also wakes me up.

BTW, excuse the spelling mistakes cos its gonna get worse, i just went and got my third glass of wine, and im feeling, giddy.

So we sit in bed sipping coffee.
I ask her, how come she came around, and she tells me that, she thought that Inwas dying, cos i dropped the phone.

I ak her if she still loves me, and, she is silent, and then after pesteringher, she say's " ofcourse i do".
I tell her I love her too, and then kiss and cuddle, and I stroke her face, and then out of nowhere.
Actually out of my heart I couldnt control my feelings, I said the scariest words in my life .

" Baby, will you marry me?".

Her reply was " no, your stoned, you dont know what your talking about"

After much persuasion, that i was sober, she said...................YES!!!!!!

I'll leave it at that, and I shall update on Monday the 30th of December.

Horighty then!

Merry CHristmas everyone!


(3 comments | comment on this)

Friday, December 13th, 2002
10:01 am - Highs and Lows
I cant remeber the last time I updated, sorry let me rephrase that I cant remember how long its been since I have updated.

So many things have happened, and there are so many things that I have felt, and so many things that I have thought about.

Let me start from Eid......
I woke up on the morning of Eid and had a shower, and then met up with my family and relatives at the Local Mosque. I prayed for good health and a prosperous life for me and everyone I Know, I asked god to forgive me for my sins, but while I was saying it i felt guilty as I knew that half of these sins will most probably be repeated, i felt like I was lying to god, what i would have liked to say is " forgive me for my sins, and i promise not to repeat them again" but i couldnt finish the sentence.

After the prayers had finished, we
( my family/cousins/relatives) embraced each other in triple hugs, you know left,right,left followed by a farewell handshake, and then over to the next man.
I then drove to my parents house where my mum was waiting for us with freshly prepared piping hot Samosas/Pakoras/Sheekh Kebabs/Pharathas just thinking about it right now is making me hungry.
By the way I was wearing a Cream Churidaar/Sherwaani what ever you wanna call it, with a matching cream scarf, I prefer to just call it Shalwar Kameez.

Slowly , slowly relatives were parking up in our drive and the house was slowly getting more and more filled up.
I got an " Eid Mubarak....." text message from Nuria believe it or not.

I dont even want to go there....

In the evening my friends and my cousins all met up and we had all changed into our western clothing.
When we were younger we used to hire flash cars like Convertable Mercs/Porsches/BMW's for Eid and then we would go crusing to other Cities and party it up wherever we went. We later started to realise that all the youngsters from other Cities do the same shit but they head towards London cos Londons party Capital, and theres us heading to somewhere less kicking than London. So now we stay in London.

Some freaks head towards a place called Green Street and another place called Southall. They go there in their kitted out cars blasting music from their bass boxes with Pakistani/Indian/Bangladeshi flags draped over their cars???????

They act like its independence day for f-cks sake.
Then they park up their rides and go and eat in Desi restaurants in large groups, and some people go to Indian Cinemas with their families and loved ones to watch Bolly flicks.

This year my friends and I felt too grown up to hire cars, seeing as all of us are now driving and we all have fairly decent cars.
We also stayed in London. We would usually go clubbing but some of my friends are now changing they regard it wrong to sin on a Holy Festival.
So they wanted go to a restaurant like civilised people and sit there and eat and catch up with each others lives.
Fine by me.

So we opted for a Restaurant that i recommended.
Its called " Masti's" im not joking why does the word Masti always creep up in my life. Iremeber once Iwent to a wedding where the DJ's name was " DJ Masti " which at the tiem was funny.......not any more.

So Masti the Restaurant/Bar/Club, yep you read that right this Restaurant had it all, and the best thingwas 90% of the crowd/customers/drinkers what ever were asian.

We could see from outside that the place was kicking, and they all looked at me smiling, one of my friends called Aziz said " Akaash, your parenst should have named you Masti".

So we went in asked the waiter for a table for eight, and then sat down ordered soft drinks followed by yummy curries/mix grills/naans/paratthas/biryanis....what do you want the whole f-ing Menu, well there were eight of us and we nearly did order the whole menu.

After the food had digeste we went upstairs where they had live singing, and some sexy female dancers, there were male dancers too, who were probabaly sey to the women.......not to me.....cos im straight....always remember that......okay.

They sang Hit movie songs taken from mainly all Yash Chopra films, such as "K3G,DDLJ,Dil to Pagal Hai etc,you get the picture".
We sat at the bar, and watched and drank, none of us
seemed to want to dance..........until " you are my Soniya" was played and they had a Dj who mixed it up with faster background music and harder beats....we had to get down with it.

None of us drank a drop of Alcohol, and we really enjoyed ourselves, I didnt think it would be possible.

On a more serious note, im still thinking about proposing to Shanti cant seem to do it, very, very scared of commitment.

I have been missing alot of work lately, so they put me on a Final formal warning which means, im under surveillance by the managers, so i gave my otice in after realising that my reputation here has been soiled.

So as its a 4 week notice, im outta here in 4 weeks, and as they are watching me, im bound to be asked what im upto so i better finish this post, so .....


(comment on this)

Monday, December 2nd, 2002
12:33 pm - A nice and long post.......
I spent yesterday, with Shanti, we went out together. We went to a couple of shops, she wanted to buy a handbag and a pair of sandals. We had Macds together and she seemed fine. She then popped into Superdrugs and emerged depressed. I couldn’t understand why, she wasn’t talkative anymore and she seemed distant. I asked her what was wrong but she wouldn’t tell me, she said she was fine but she definitely wasn’t.
She then popped into Dorothy Perkins to see if she could find a winter coat. I was smoking outside.
She also had a doctor’s appointment at 5-20pm and I accompanied her there.
She was looking a bit happier but I was starting to realise how complex women really are.
I tried to be nice and go along with all her wishes and take her where ever she wanted to go. We had some time to kill before the doctor’s appointment, and her sisters house was nearby, so I asked her if she wanted to go and see her sister, she declined the offer but said that we will go after the appointment. So we popped into Tescos, and she tried on a pair of Trousers, which she liked, she asked me how she looked in them and I said she looked fine. I then offered to pay for them but she wouldn’t let me. She seemed to look happier and happier.
I then asked her why she suddenly became upset, and she then told me that it was because she was watching me while she was queuing up and was looking at me. She then said it hurt to know that I was not her man anymore.
One of the girls in the shop said to her “are you looking at him too” and then she said no, and then the girl asked “ is that your man? “ to which Shanti replied “ was my man”, so the girl replied “ so he is free?” and she replied yes.
So that conversation upset her to feel that I am not hers anymore.
We then went to her sister’s house, she was surprised to see that I was with Shanti.
“ I thought you two had split up?” to which Shanti replied we have we are just friends.
Her sister’s two daughters are so cute, and I was playing with them while both sisters chitchatted in the kitchen.
I over heard her sister say “ you know your just hurting yourself by hanging around with him don’t you”.
For the first time in my life I felt like this is it today I will prove to the world how much I love her and how committed I can be.
After about ten minutes the doorbell rang and one of her sisters friends pooped around. She was very attractive and she was a single mother in her mid 20’s.
After we both made eye contact for about 20 seconds, which felt like 20 minutes. She asked who I was to Shantis sister, who said that I was a friend of Shantis.

Shanti and I had a cup of tea and then left.
After scoping out her sister’s friend, I realised that I am an f-ck up and I know that she would love for me to propose, but alas I am
A juggler, she is too good to hurt, yet too good to lose.

That night my cuz called me up and he bought a friend of his with him, and I bought a friend with me, and we smoked heroin until the early hours. It turned me into a zombie and I lost my appetite I just felt like vomiting. My head was spinning I had no energy to do anything. I just wanted to sleep.

I wrote the above last week, which was the 27th of November, I’m writing all this on WORD so it looks like I’m working.
On Saturday, my mom called me early in the morning, about 10ish, which is early for me.
So she tells me that she needs to visit a distant relative, who she hasn’t seen in a long time, she asked me to drive her there in the afternoon.
I obviously agreed (anything for my mom), she also asked me to dress smart???
So I did my usuals, a ‘triple S’ and then I wore a grey wool Polo neck sweater and grey trousers, yeah its quite cold in good ol England.
So I picked my mom up, my dad also came along and they both looked really nice. I told my mom how beautiful she looked, and she laughed and said, “ badmaash, thu ese hi larkio ko patta tha he” which translates ( you naughty boy, that’s how you pull these girls) me thinks.
So we drove to their house, which is in Wood Green, which is like 15 miles from my parents house.
I asked them why they suddenly felt the need to see these people after all these days, and my dad explained that he had bumped into their head of the family (their father) at a wedding and he had invited my dad to their house for a family meal.

Fair enough.

So my mom made me stop at a Mithai Shop (Indian sweet shop) and all I can say is ‘rip off merchants’ I never paid £50 for sweets before.

Anyhoo, their house is really nice inside out. Once we got there the mother greeted us at the door.
She hugged my mom and salaamed my dad (they are a Muslim family btw).
She then looked at me up and down, then she said in Urdu “ oh this is Akaash, my god hasn’t he grown” the last time she saw me was about 15 years ago, so I have obviously grown.
So we entered their lounge and we were greeted by 2 men in their 30’s and there were 2 women in their 30’s who were obviously the men’s wives, and also, an old couple, who were the grandparents and a whole bunch of kids, actually 4 boys and 2 girls.
Okay for some weird reason all eyes were on me, but I thought nothing of it.
The dad who I will now refer to as ‘uncle’ sat opposite me, smiling everytime I caught him looking at me.
So once everyone had caught up with each other lives, the ‘uncle’ started to interrogate me.

So Akaash beta (son),

How old are you?
What do you do for a living?
Have you got a degree?
Do you drive?
What car do you drive?
Do you pray Namaaz?
Have you read the Quran?

Still im thinking nothing of it, he just wants to know who I have become over the years.
They made so many dishes for us, there were veg and meat samosas, there were Onion bhajis,Tea,mithai,spicy chana (chick peas) and that was just the starter.

One of the guys in his thirties, called me out the room, he took me into another room, where he sat me down and near enough asked me all the same questions as his dad, but his ended up a bit more personal.
He sparked up a ciggy and offered me one , out of respect I said I didn’t smoke, he said “good” and then he asked me if I drank, which I replied ‘no’.
He then asked me if I was checking any girls, and if I went to bars or clubs, and I replied ‘no’ to everything.
He seemed pleased with all my answers.
All this time IM thinking ‘this is one friendly but nosey family’.
So I goes back into the lounge and the elders stop talking about whatever it is they are talking about..
The ‘uncle’ then looks at his nosey son who smiles back at his dad with a nod ( like when you say yes, just by nodding your head up and down).

So the uncle then asks his daughter in laws to call his daughter Yasmin, okay whoever is reading this post has most probably clocked onto what was happening to me and the reason I was there, but me this is when I found out.

Yasmin walks in wearing a Lilac coloured Shalwar Kameez, with her head covered and her face down, looking really shy.
That’s when I swear to god I felt nervous all of a sudden, my mouth went dry, and my heart rate increased rapidly.
I had been tricked into checking out a bride for myself by my parents, I felt angry so angry, that I had been tricked that I wanted to get up and leave, but at the same time I didn’t want to embarrass my parents, nor did I want them to catch a cab home.
So she sat down opposite me, and her sister in law picked her chin up and she slowly lifted her eyelids and looked at me.

Wow……I’m not joking, but she looked so pure/innocent/shareef/bholi/sweet/beautiful that i thought “ hey maybe this ain’t so bad after all.
Her dad then said to my parents "come let me show you my house/garden etc", and they all f-cked off and left her and me alone.

We sat there for a good five-minute in sheer silence, her with her head down looking at the carpet, and me leaning back into the chair, feeling relaxed and staring right at her.

She then lifted her head up to look at em, and as soon as she saw me looking straight at her she quickly looked at the floor again.

Me – okay you can go now
Her – aren’t you going to ask me anything?
Me – oh so you can talk, I thought you were a mute
Her – smiling, im just nervous that’s all
Me – don’t be, and for a start talk to the face not to the shoes
Her – sorry, (then she looked up)
Me – wow, you are something, how old are you
Her – 22
Me – what do you do for a living?
Her – I work as a Cashier in Natwest Bank
Me – okay, so why are we here today
Her – so we can have an arranged marriage
Me – so what do you think of me
Her – I cant say
Me – it must be something bad then?
Her – no, its just that im shy, that all
Me – oh come on please..
Her – I think your nice, but a bit too confident that’s all
Me – I think your nice, but a bit too quite and reserved that’s all
Her – im not usually , its just that I don’t know you
Me – listen, (giving her my business card) heres my contact numbers and email address, get to know me, before you say anything to your parents, never rush into anything as serious as marriage, don’t judge me by this 5 minute conversation, and go and say yes or no to your parents, get to know me, and then decide,
Her – ok
Me – you can go now, I can see that your nervous and uncomfortable
Her – thank you,

She gave me a huge smile whilst looking directly into my eyes.
Everyone came back into the room, my father declined their offer of Dinner and then they said whatever they had to say, and we left.
While I was getting into my car, I don’t know why but I looked up, and I saw her looking out from the corner of the curtains from the 1st floor window. I smiled and she waved.

When my parents got into my car I gave them grief!!!!
What were you thinking, I cant believe you lied tome, do you know what I went through, that was not nice, that’s horrible, I cant believe what you both did, my own parents deceiving me, I thought you loved me, I cant trust anybody now.
All my mom said was “ isn’t she beautiful?” which kinda stopped me ranting, to which I replied “ teek he”.

(5 comments | comment on this)

Wednesday, November 27th, 2002
10:29 am - Simone
People who read my journal probably think that im a bit foolish.
The reason being sometimes i write that i am gonna be a good boy and that im not gonna f-ck about no more, and then the next update im f-cking around!!!!
Two updates ago i said that I was thinking about proposing to Shanti, and then the next update I write about Simone.
Im a tad bit f-cked up, mentally.
Recently I have been hangin out with my cuz from friday night to yesterday night, thats like 5 days. I wasnt at work Monday or tuesday, i took it as annual leave.
I really think my cuz is a bad influence on me, he always has drugs on him,and these are class A drugs, he also drives a 3 cars which are not registered or insured.
All it will take is one Policeman to stop us and Bingo, that officer will hit the jackpot.

Anywayzz I would firstly like to conclude the Simone episode.
Simone and I spent 5 days of Training together, every lunch and every supper, we spent together.
Simone is 24, she is half Irsh and half Jamaican.
She has a 4yr old daughter from a previous relationship, she dumped the babays father cos he cheated on her. She is also in a relationship with someone at the moment.

This is the first time that I was with somoene that scared my 'mojo'???
In other words because she was so confident/feisty/headstrong/intelligent my 'mojo' was too scared to be on the seen. Not once did i compliment her,try it on her,gaze into her eyes in admiration, none of that. I gave her no indication that i fancied her, okay just a little bit, she's a smart woman, she probably knew.

We built up such a good friendhsip, and i felt so comfortable with her.We even stayed in the same hotel and every night she would either sit in my room or vice-versa, watching TV,drinking from the mini bar and sharing stories with each other about our lives.Two out of five nights she fell asleep on my bed,i took off her shoes, covered her with a blanket and slept on the sofa.

I realised how quickly I get attached to people and how sensititve my heart is.
On the last night of the 'course' we were at the bar of the hotel, and it was a friday night, and the par was quite packed. There was a pianist and a singer there and they played Janet Jackson's
" thats the way love goes" and it sounded so nice, I asked Simone if she wanted to dance and she accepte, we slowdanced to that sweet,soft,relaxing song, and i held her so close, and she put her chin on my shoulder, and held me so close too, i dont think an ant could have crawled between us.
It felt emotional as I knew that today was our last day together, she whispered in my ear " im really gonna miss you Akaash" and then i replied "im gonna miss you too". I then pulled away and looked straight into her eyes, i could tell that she seemed emotional, and i really felt that this was the best time to kiss her, but i felt like kissing her on the lips would be too much so I opted for the forehead, and she kissed me on my cheek, and then we stood there, both thinking what the others next move would be, it was a moment of awkwardness or what.

So i just hugged her real tight, and my lips were near her neck,so i started to plant soft wet kisses on her neck and then i could feel her nails clutching the back of my shirt.
Thatswhen i knew that.....dig what im gonna say next " the sexual ice had been broken" how corny am I?
Thats when I knew that the rest of the night,I could confidently do as I pleased.
Alas I was wrong, the msot i got was a long hard snog, and the she said she couldnt,as she knows how it feels to be cheated on, and she didnt want to cheat on her partner.

Fair enough.

Later on that night I called her room but there was no answer, so I went down to reception and they told me that she had checked out, I asked if she had left a letter for me,they checked my mailbox, and there was a piece of paper, which just said " Akaash, im sorry, Simone".

That was it, no number/email nothing, she just came in and out of my life like a dream.

I was gutted.

She didnt even say goodbye, i felt like that was the coldest thing a person could do to someone, i treated her so nice , i spent so much money on her, i kept her company for a week, and she leaves like that????

I felt used, i dont even remember the name of her company, or her surname.

F-CK IT!!!!

As for Shanti, nothing has happened, I havent proposed, because I got side tracked, but i will get back on the case.


(1 comment | comment on this)

Wednesday, November 20th, 2002
11:24 am - very busy........
I have been very busy nearly all of last week.
I have been on a Training course for 'new line managers'.
People who work for our company all over England showed up.
I sat there and felt really lonely as I was the only person who attended from our Office.
I in my dirty little mind was hoping some hotty would turn up, so I could make a new friend.
Im not really friendly actually, i have come to realise that, in my office they are like one big social circle and they all meet up at the local pub for a drink and a chat.
I on the other hand go home and then go out with my mates, sometimes i feel as if i have my friends and dont need anymore.
So there are rumours going around the Office that i am arrogant and stuck up, as i only speak to people when i need to and dont indulge in idle chit chat.
So i sat there on this course looking around and thinking that i will have to spend the week with theses people and im gonna have to drop the so called arrogant act.
Ten minutes after the course had started a gorgeous girl walked in and apologised for being late and sat down on my left.
She was so pretty, she was blatantly mixed race
( half jamaican and half Irish).
To give you an example of what she looked like i would compare her to Alicia Keys, yeah she's that pretty.
So whilst we were on the course I was psyching myself up to talk to her, but i couldnt i suddenly felt ...........shy.
So at lunchtime we were all walking out and as we were in another town and as i had been on another course in the same location i was quite clued up about the area.
I noticed that she was walking at the same speed as me and side by side, out of the blue she asked me if i knew where the nearest Bank was, i directed her to the bank and then said im walking up that way and she could walk with me, i inroduced myself and she did the same ( Simone).
When we reached the Bank, she withdrew money from the machine outside and then:

me - what are you having for lunch?
her - im just gonna grab a sandwich and eat it at my desk,
me - (feeling deflated) oh ok, (attempting to walk the other way) see you later then,
her - why? what are you having?
me - i was gonna have noodles,
her - oh i love noodles,
me - theres a noodle bar just around the corner from our Training centre
her - come on lets go

So we walked towards the Noodle Bar and we chatted along the way, i told her that i hated eating alone, and would hate to sit in a restauarant by myself looking like a loner.
She said she felt like that too.

I couldnt stop looking at her, her caramel skin, that lovely smile which just lights up her whole face, and her eyes oh my gosh those eyes, they're green for gods sake, basically i was mesmerised.

So we had lunch and, we had such a good time, we had so much in common, and she was amazed at my indepth knoledge of RnB, and African american movies like......CB4,Friday,House Party 1,2,3,Class Act,Booty call,Two can play that game,Best man,Brothers, etc you name it ive probably seen it.

I felt so comfortable with her, so comfortable infact that when i ordered my 'beef ho-fun in blackbean sauce' she asked to try some and i fed her with my fork, and then she said "here try some of mine" and fed me her 'sweet and sour chicken with stir fried noodle' with her fork.

30 mins into the friendship and we were behaving like that, no joke.

I paid for the Bill and she put up a fight to pay bbut i explained that 'no woman pays her way, when she's with me' thats how i am, a lady should be treated like a lady.

We walked back to the Training centre, and carried on with the course.

We were staying at the same Hotel so we travelled back together in the same Cab.

I wwish i could write more about thwat happenend last week but im really busy today cos when i came back my inbox was packed with queries and i have to reply to them all, i will finish, this page later.


(comment on this)

Wednesday, November 13th, 2002
10:07 am - Twenty mother f-ing four!

Im 24, twenty bloody four!!!

I cant believe it, how time flies.
To me it seems as though its the year 2000, but its nearly 2003, where did those three years go?

As they say ' your only as old as you feel' well i seriously feel 18, no joke, I even look 18.

My dad always told me to take life seriously, take it one day at a time, as time flies, and before i know it im gonna be married with kids, and then lose my hair, and have a pot belly!!!!

He told me how his youth flashed before his eyes.

I thoroughly believe him, how i manged to be 24 i'll never know, im supposed to be 18.

I dont have a problem with being old or turning 24, honestly, im not vain, and im not afraid of growing up, its just that im a bit bewildered about were the last 6 years of my life went.

When you have too much fun and you enjoy life, it kinda flies by. Its like my weekends, it feels like i only have one day off cos the whole of saturday is spent sleeping. I love shopping on sundays though, so peaceful, hardly any traffic. hardly any queues, and nowadays 80% of the shops are open, and the big supermarkets are open 24 hours a day, so its never too late to shop.

Well my b'day was on the 5th of November, i took the 5th and the 6th off as annual leave so i could celebrate wihtout worrying about waking up late for work. I woke up tuesday morning and there were 4 b'day cards in my mailbox (wooden mailbox, not pc mailbox).
The cards were from my mom,Nuria,Shanti and Sonya.

Nuria and SHanti's cards made me happy and sad, i was happy that they remembered me but sad that they wont be there to help me celebrate.

Shantis card was big and she wrote alot, she told me that no matter who or how i was, if i had committed to her then she would never leave me, and she was willing to put up with the worst of me.

I know later on in life when i marry someone, i am gonna have alot of regrets, if a woman can put up with the worst of me, then she is the one for me.

I might not have mentioned that I have a very short fuse and i have shouted or made her cry on a number of occasions, but i always apologised and made it upto her and always put that beautiful smile back on her face.

The worst fuse that i blew was when, i was driving one day and i told her to get my £400 Pioneer car stereo, out of the glove box and clip it into the stereo system, she put it on the wrong way round and the clips got stuck and she forced it off and broke the clips, so now it wont stick to the system, i lost my cool so badly.

Then of course i wiped her tears hugged and kissed her took her to Kebab hosue and she wouldnt eat so i fed her with my hand, and she smiled, and then she fed me with her hand, and i told her how everything tastes better when she feeds it to me, and her heart melted, ta daaaa!!.

F-ing hell im reminiscing out loud on the PC.
I didnt mean to share that with anyone.

So after i read my cards i had a 'TRIPLE-S' whats a triple S? shit/shower/shave thats what it is.

I got numerous text messages from my boyz, 7 of them came around to my flat, abused my Colognes/hairgel/shoe polish/fridge and then we started the night by going to a a very high class and highly priced indian restaurant, which had some sexy indian waitresses, and then we went to a Bar/Club in the City.

I know im rushing this bit but i have to go now, too much work to do, and i got a meeting in half an hour.

Basically we all got drunk and then caught cabs home, i didnt pull any girls cos i didnt try it on any girls.

Truthfully i spent the night contemplating asking Shanti to marry me, yeah i know, isnt that surprising.

I think i ahev f-cked about enough, and the club/bar/drinking/smoking/f-cking life can get a bit tiring.

I have alot on my mind, i am 55% confident about proposing to Shanti.

A bit of advice to people out there " always marry someone who loves you more than you love them "

Soem people might say thats selfish but in the long run you will be better off.

(2 comments | comment on this)

Friday, November 8th, 2002
3:21 pm - Rainy days
I have had a very weird week.
I have been going through some mental changes, and have thought things with this brain of mine, that i never thought i would allow it to think about.

As you may know that i am every parents and wifes nightmare.

Parents would cry if they knew what i had done to their daughters or what their daughters have been upto.
No woman would want me as a husband if she knew of my past, and present.

Okay so your confused, your thinking what is he going on about, give me a chance and i will explain.

The last time i updated my diary, what did i write?
Three girls came to my cousins flat.

Well they did, all right.
As soon as they got through the door, one of the girls called Razia was gagging for the 'powder'.
I have to admit at first i just thought that she was being....adventurous or curious, but she was acting like an addict once we got into the flat.
The other two girls were called Gita and Salema.
All three girls were pretty attractive and to tell you the truth i wouldnt have minded who i flirted with.

We put some music on in the back ground and we all sat around on the rug.
My cuz sat dwon with two bags, one with blocks and one with powder. Now the blocks if you didnt/dont know is Heroin and the powder is Cocaine.

The foil was laid out for the H and the mirror was placed for the C.
He asked the girls what they wanted and they all seemed more interested in the C.
He got a plastic straw and cut it in half and passed it around to the girls. He was chopping up the C in long long line and i knew that theses lines were extra long, and longer than we had ever snorted.

I pulled him into the kitchen and asked him what the f-ck he was playing at and then he told me, that f-ing while both people are high is the best f-ck ever.
I told him to take it easy and not tokill the girls with the drugs.

When we went back out there Razia was doing the chopping, cutting the powder all finely and forminghtme into line whilst the other two were standing by waiting to snort.

I opted for the H and then they lliked what i was doing and they wanted to do it too, i hesitated but they ganged up on me and started to tickle me, and i am so ticklish that i dropped the foil and they picked it up and started to 'chase the dragon' with a foil pipe.

Razia seemed the msot clued up about drugs and she definately knew what she was doing, the other two were amateurs.

I had my eye on Gita so I sat next to her and started to play about with her.We were both high and horny and I knew it wouldnt take much to do things with her.

My cuz tried it on Razia at first but she was more interested in the drugs, so he tried it on Salema, and she was game. We both disappeared with the girls and left Razia alone with the drugs, which was the biggest mistake.

One hour later after having what seemed like the longest sh-g in my life, ( i just couldnt cum) i thought i was gonna kill her, i kept stopping and asking her if hse was OK ( okay im feeling uneasy now i feel like im getting too personal, wait, f-ck you, this is my diary for god sake).

I stepped out the bedroom to see Razia laying flat on her back, wiht blood pouring out of her nose.

I freaked out big time maaaan, id dint know what to do.
I shouted for everyone to come and they did.
We all stood around just looking at her, still buzzing , brain not functioning,cant handle the shock,god knows what to do. I checked her pulse i thought i could feel soemthing and then i coudlnt feel anything. My cuz sslapped her gently we all shouted at her to wake up, she didnt. Salema had already called an ambulance but it was taking too long, and we were very scared incase she died, so we jumped into my Cuz's other car ( he has three, and they all crap, incase cops pull him up, he can leave the car and run on foot, and not care baout the car, cos its crap).
We all looked like shit, especially the girls, mascara/lipstick smeared, hair all messy, they looked f-cked and they were.

I carried Razia to the car and put her head on Salemas Lap and her legs on Gita's.
My cuz was in a worse state than me so i drove the car like a maniac to the General Hospital.

Yo should see the people/families looking at us in the Accident and emergency, like we were filthy druggies.

I was wearing jeans and trainers with no socks (eugh, i hate that)and a jacket with nothing on underneath, and i was freezing.

My cousin was wearing basketball shorts and a hooded top, both creased, and the girls were still in their Clubbing clothes, all glitzy,slashed ,tight sexy dresses
with stilettos. We were a sight for sore eyes.
They took her into the Resus room while we waited in the waiting room for 5 mother f-ing hours.

Guess what the end reslut was????
1. She survived ( thank god)
2. She didnt overdoes on the drugs like we suspected
3. All she got was a plaster on her nose

Once Razia had been discharged I was dropping the girls to their flat. Razia explained that she had been snorting the C when she sneezed violently and nose butted the edge of the coffe table, which knocked her unconscious.

Ta daaaa!!!

All that freaking out for nothing, hey.

On a brighter note after that weekend. I have been a good boy, i have been fasting, today is the third fast that i have kept.
I have also been praying in the Mosque every night since Ramadan started, and im gonna be a good boy until Eid, after that im gonna partayyyy.

Why am i being a good boy all of a sudden well i promised my mother i would fast for 30 days and pray too.

She found out about the Razia episode coz one of her neighbours happens to work at the reception of the Xray dept and she saw me with my Crew.

Anyways, its hometime and its Friday, so i gots to go, oh.


(2 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, October 29th, 2002
3:13 pm - HIgh times
When I started to write my online diaries, i used to be frank/blatant/in your face.
I spoke my mind and said what i liked. Then i toned it down because i acquired a 12yr old fan.The fan has dissappeared so i can be my old self, my true self, and not pretend to be someone squeaky clean, cos physically i am, mentally im not.

Sometimes when i smoke skunk weed i get so high, so high that i feel like i cant get any higher.
I have tried every single drug available on the 'blackmarket' but have been loyal to the 'chronic' for a good 10 years.
I choose not to take other drugs regularly as i dont like the thought of chemicals in my system.
HOme grown herbs, i dont have a problem with, theyre only plants at the end of the day, but i guess they are genetically modified.

The thing about weed is, its not really a high is it?
Its a low, it brings you down, it makes you sink into the armchair your sitting in, it puts you to sleep. It makes you mellow, so mellow that you stop giving a f-ck about the world and your surroundings, it makes you care less. Thats why you shouldnt take it everyday, as i know some guys that smoke it like cigarettes, like one every hour, and these are the people who are unemployed bums.

Me....i like to take it at weekends and every night, at bedtime, cos it puts me to sleep, quickly.
If i dont have it and im sober then i'll be lying in bed thinking about my past/present/future until 6am.

Whem im stoned and im listening to music i listen to every beat, every word being sung, my body moves automatically to the beat, to the rhythm.

The other day my cousin who i will not name had some heroine on him, well he's bound to cos he's a drug dealer.

Sometimes i become so tempted to be a drug dealer, so badly.
I make like £1,500 pounds a month which is like $3000 dollars.
He makes that amount in one day or should i say one hour, f-ck that 20 mins.

I went with him on a BIG DEAL, he took me for protection just incase the people he was dealing with tried to pull a fast one.He also told me to dress smart ( so we look like decent people, to the Police). We were both suited.

I didnt want to go as, things like that dont excite me anymore, they bloody scare me. I could get f-cked by the Police just for being with him. Thats the thing about growing up, you become more sensible, you take less risks, thats what maturity is all about. I gave him my speech about taking risks,getting arrested etc etc. He stopped me halfway through my speech and said " i'll give you £300 for just accompanying me, you wont have to carry anything" and i said " lets go, what are we waiting for? ".

All i could picture was this Versace hooded winter coat that i had seen, but didnt want to blow £350 on, and thanks to my cuz im only legitimately blowing £50 on it.

HIs money making ways are so easy, he doesnt even have to carry the 'sh-t' on him for more than 1minute.

Hes just the middle man, he buys it for a high profile client and nets £2,000 in the process.
The client doesnt want to be seen dealing with drug dealers, so my cousin does the dirty work distributing it from the dealer to the client.
HE may aswell work for U.P.S for god sake.

I actually wrote the whole deal down, a step by step guide on how to deal, but then i thought that i might be sending out the wrong signals and some kid could be reading this diary and get influenced into becoming a dealer. SO i went back up and deleted everyhting i wrote which took me a good 10 mins to write.

So anyways i went along on the deal. I made £300 pounds, and my cuz and i had the best time.
We snorted the shit( he took some out the bag,which was for the client) til we were high as kites and then we drove to the City, and we .....this was his idea and not mine cos he is the dirtiest bast-rd ever.

He talked me into going to a Strip club with him
( SPearmint Rhino to be precise).
We ended up spending like £1000 in there maan it was crazy.
He ordered this really expensive Champagne which cost like £250 a bottle.
One individual cocktail cost like £15, it was too expensive, anyway it wasnt my money so i ddint give ashit , and its not like this money is good money, its Haraam money.
So we just drank and drank, and bought the strippers drinks and got a lapdance by, well i got 4 lapdances from 4 different girls, and he had about 7-9 lapdances cos everytime i looked over to him there wa somebody different on his lap gyrating with their ti--ies in his face.

I'll be honest with you, the fourth girl that sat on my lap, nearly made me.....ahem.....ahem, you know, embarass my self.

So after Spearmint we hailed a cab to a Vitenamese restaurant, and had an 'all you can eat' buffet meal.

F-ck me we ate until we puked. After we had paid the bill, we were walking down a side road when my cuz bent over and started to make the vomiting noises, and i was laughing at him and suddenly SPLAT!!!! it showered out of his mouth, and the sight of him vomiting disgusted me so much that i started to vomit.

We were both laughing at each other, it was sick but hilarious at the same time.

We sat in this park, on the bench to breath in some fresh air, but we were both laughing so much, my stomach and my jaw were both hurting, i dont know if it was the vomiting or the laughing..maybe both.

We were high and drunk, but the puking kind of woke us up.

So the only place were we could get alcohol at 2am in the morning would be in a club.

So we went to a club called 'Turnmills'and we ordered Cocktail after cocktail. There were a group of 4 girls
(desi's) and they had one boy with them, who happened to be gay ( desi too).
We sat with them and bought them drink after drink. We had a good laugh and i danced with two of the girls but nothing more than that (at that point)

My cuz invited them to his flat cos one of the girls happened to say " have you guys got any 'powder' on you", and my cuz happened to reply "only £1,000 worth of the shit" and three of them accepted. We caught a cab to his flat, we dint bother to pick up his car as we were too f-cked to drive.

Anyways i wont write what happened when we got to the flat cos, some people accuse me of telling fairytales, so i wont bother, and i have also decided that im gonna keep intimate details out of this diary, cos some women get offended when they read this.


current mood: calm

(5 comments | comment on this)

Friday, October 18th, 2002
9:58 am - I will be leaving soon!
People, as you know I only use a Pc when im at work, and i dont have one at home, thats cos i only got into the Internet Craze when i started work here, and i spend half my day surfing the net and reading diaries/journals/blogs.

I am having alot of problems at work, at the moment.
There are three people who are the same grade as me.
I have been here longer than all three of them.
They dont have as much experience as me because i have worked here previously aswell.
The problem is theses three people are given all the easy jobs and i am overworked, somedays.

I used to work along another guy who trained me up, and he left about 3 months ago, and ever since then i have been doing his job and my job, without any extra pay.
The other three people of the same grade were all employed one by one to do his job, but as soon as they arrive, one of my managers who is Bi-ch No1, gives them other work to do.

So i am still doing two jobs, and they give me extra work to do whilst the other three are surfing the net and reading newspapers, and gossiping.

So on Tuesday, this bi-ch asked me to rearrange our whole filing system.

There are at least 500 files and each file is heavy as a home shopping catalogue, plus they are dusty, and the cupboards are massive.

I asked her why she didnt ask one of the newer memebers of staff, and she replied " i'll ask one of them to help you" like this is my project, the f-ing filing system aint got shit to do with me.

So i waited for the other person to be avilable, and then the bi-ch, tells me that the other guy is busy and im gonna have to do it all by myself.

me - what? all by myself
b - Yup
me - im sorry but im not the only person in the office you know, why dont you ask someone else to help me
b - they are all busy
me - aand im not?
b - come on stop arguing and get on with it
me - im not arguing
b - then do it
me - why
b- cos i said so
me- nah...im not doing it
b - you have to, im ordering you to!!!! ( shouting)
me - i dont care who you are, dont raise your voice at me, and dont try to intimidate me, cos its not working
b - theres two ways of doing this, i can give you a formal warning, or you can get on with it
me - formal warning, you dont have to do anything, cos , i quit!!!!

I went to my desk and started to type out my resignation letter.

I have to give 4 weeks notice, so November the 14th is my last day! and thats when i will type my last post.

I will probably go back to Driving Limo's for Tony, or find another junior managers post, some where else.

(comment on this)

Tuesday, October 15th, 2002
4:50 pm - Joe
No one else comes close to you........
no one makes me feel the way you do...
your so special.... girl....to me
and you'll always be.... eternally
everytime i hold you near
you always say the words i long to hear
girl with just a touch...
you can do so mu..u..u.uch

oh baby, baby.....

Im feeling this tune right now.

current mood: contemplative

(comment on this)

Monday, October 14th, 2002
11:45 am
I am very tired.........again.
I didnt sleep all night.
I was thinking about Shanti, i couldnt get her out of my head.
She finally called me, friday evening.
I went to her flat, Neelam wasnt there, thank god, i would have probably, shouted at her or something.
Shanti wasnt alone though, there was a guy there.
Hmmmm...this guy who is called Jignesh, is an old friend of hers who i have only heard about, but never seen. I have to describe this guy to you so you can imagine him....he was wearing a blue and white stripy shirt, and khaki Dockers type of trousers, he had a oily side parting hairstyle, he looked very neat and tidy, like his mum had dressed him up, and combed his hair for him with 'Amla hair oil', he was wearing Harry Potter style round spectacles. The first words that came to mind when i saw him were ......nerd,dweeb,boffin,mummys boy etc etc.

Why am i focusing so much on him, i hear you say, well, just wait, i will explain.

Shanti has known Jigga ( thats what i kept calling him, and he hated it, which made me happy)
for at least 7 years. His cousin married her cousin and thats how they got to know each other.
Jigga is her shrink basically, and she confides in him, about all her problems.

So recently, ever since she has met me, she has been crying on Jigga's shoulder. WHich is news to me, cos i didnt have a clue.
Jigga, has had secret feelings for Shanti as long as he has known her.
Which he happened to share with me that night.
Shanti called me over to her flat, to say that she will no longer be seeing me and that her parents and Jigga's parents want them to get married, and Jiggas parents came around her house that afternoon, and she said yes!!!!!!

Okay i know what your thinking, how can all this happen so fast. The reason why people have trouble understanding me sometimes is cos i dont explain myself fully or clearly.
So today i will do this....here goes.
Jigga is 25 years old and he has a Degree in Law, and he is a trainee Barrister, who comes from a well respected Hindu family, and his dad is a Dcotor, and Jigga drives a Mercedes C-class.

Yeah...........competition or what, apart from the fact that he is boring and keeps refering to the'law' and he has no dress sense, hhhaaaa hheee oh my gosh!!!i just had a thought if you really want to picture him i have just got the best example Carlton f-ing Banks from FResh prince, thats our man Jigga, an indian Carlton.

So lets get back to the story, Jigga propsed to Shanti 1 year ago. She didnt accept his offer,even though she was pressured big time by her family, as they love Jigga and his family.She said she needed to live her life first, and then when she is ready to settle down, she will let him know.

She secretly wanted to meet Mr right in that time, and then came along your truly, who just f-cked her heart right up. I felt so bad, cos soemtimes women really hide thier feelings, and i didnt know how much she loved me and how much i hurt her, and what she thought of me etc.
You only find these things out after, when its too late, when they leave you for f-ck sake.

So she realised, thanks to me, that falling in love is nothing but pain, so she has opted for an arranged marriage with Jigga. So when i went to ther flat and chatted to Neelam and told her about my secret liaison with Preeti, that was the final straw, she was so upset she called Jigga and told him to bring his family around, and that she was ready, to settle down and she had lived her life.

SIGH...............another one bites the dust.
I sat in that chair and she was talking and crying, and i felt like walking upto her and putting my arm around her, and wiping her tears, and kissing her on her forehead and telling her how sorry i am, and not to marry this fool, but he was there and i couldnt do any of that.

I realised that he could offer her love and security, and thats the main priority for alot of women out there.

The reason she called me there was to ask me for my blessing.

Now im no fool, and i could tell by her actions that this was a desperate cry for help. I could feel that she wanted me to to stop her from doing what she was doing, cos lets admit it, what she did was a bit hasty, and i didnt even do anything with Preeti, if anything i ended my friendship with Preeti that day.

I dont hate Jigga, he seemed like a very calm and understanding man, but he was acting like hes'all that' and he was talking about me as if i was some kind of 'bad boy'.

I felt numb when i was in flat, but when i went home that night and the last two nights i have been in my house, feeling confused,frustated,angry,hurt,lonely,unloved, i was feeling sorry for myself.

I dont want to get married, but i dont want to lose her either. I lost Nuria because i didnt fight for her and now the same sh-t is happening between Shanti and I.

I just want her to be aorund me, thats all, i dont know if i want her around forever.

Im wearing a 'happy mask' today, but im hurting on the inside.

I dont want to be at work, I dont want to talk to anyone. I just want to be left alone.

(4 comments | comment on this)

Friday, October 11th, 2002
9:44 am - Ho' righty then.................
Sometimes I wish i could get one of the administrative assistants in my team to update my journal for me, thats how lazy i feel, but i dont want them to know about my private life, so i guess i'll just have to do it myself,,*sigh*.

I have started to go to the gym again, well since yesterday. Rich and i went along together, we have been gym buddies since we were 15, i stopped about 1 year ago, after I hurt myslef in a freaky car crash accident. I was driving with 3 of my friends, Rich was in the front and Rokib and Yasin were in the back. We had just finished playing Pool and i was dropping them home one by one.

This car on the other side of the road was speeding real fast, and the car in front of him suddenly braked, and instead of smashing into the back of the guy that braked he steered into my lane, and SMASH!!!! right into the drivers side of my car. It happened so fast, i didnt have time to realise what had just happened, everything just went black.
I opened my eyes and reached to open the passenger door as my door had his car stuck to it.
I was too weak, and then i was unconscious again.

When i opened my eyes Yasin and Rich had their arms around me and were carrying me to the side of the footpath. It was commotion maan, Police,Ambulances and a Fire ENgine and a pick up truck had all arrived. People were gathering around looking at me like i was a celebrity.
I felt numb all over, and couldnt really feel any pain, i could feel some fluid streaming down my face which was obviously blood.
I stupidly wasnt wearing a seat belt and had smashed the side of my head into the bar that goes between the side window and the front window.
Rokib was sat directly behind me in my carand had jumped forward so violently that my drivers seat had twisted to one side, which resulted in him having a fractured collar bone.
Yasin and rich just had whiplash and a few bruises.

The funniest thing was ( not that any of this is funny) that the body has its own painkillers and they wrere released into my body bigtime, and i felt so high, i felt euphoric, like f-ck. It was one hell of a head trip.
I was talking so much sh-t and i was singing and asking the paramedics to drop me home and that i was fine.

The only good thing that resulted from all of this is the fact that i saw how much my friends and family loved me. I saw my dad cry after about 15 years.The hospital waiting room was packed with all of our families and friends. I have a 3 inch scar on my head which looked really nutty after i shaved my head, after the accident.
I also dislocated my arm, which is why................i couldnt pump no more iron, phew.
My beloved beema (BMW) needed a new bonnet,side wing,one alloy wheel,a windscreen, a new seat, a new door.£2800 worth of damage. I had to pay for it myself as the guy that hit my car just happened to be in a f-ing stolen car, so my insurance company couldnt claim from him, you have heard about the term ' hit and run' thats exact;y what he did, except he ran on foot not in his car.

So back to today, my bodys aching after all that pumping ( weights.....okay).

How can i write a post without mentioning any women.
Neelam spoke to Shanti, cos women much to our misfortune happen to tell each other everything.
Shanti even told me that some girls even talk about the size of their mans.....'tool' and the performance of the man in bed. Okay i knew that they did that, but....i didnt know they talked about size.... man, i now feel naked in front of her friends, theres no mystery about me, they know what im packing.

So Neelam told her i came around and sat down and was miserable, and basically whatever happened after that.
Shanti called me at work and told me to stay away from Neelam, and she told me that she doesnt want to talk to me again........i think she dumped me........for nothing. I am innocent people.
So i called her several times but she has switched her mobile off, dont you just hate it when poeple do that.

I dont care....to tell you the truth, if your gonna leave me for such a stupid reason, then you can f-ck off........i dont need you.

Your dumping me cos your best friend was touching my face. Actually now that im thinking about that night........i think i told her about Preeti, ........i must have......so she told Shanti about Preeti. That must be the reason. All that smoking messes up your memory so much.
I have been smoking weed since i was 13, and now im 23, ten years of damage. I buy it for personal use, cos it helpms me get to sleep, i have trouble sleeping. It really kills brain cells, trust me.

Sometimes i leave my house, drive off,realise i have forgotten my mobile or my wallet, drive back, come home,and then stand there thinking " why did i drive back???" i swear to god its true.

I do sh-t like that all the time.
Anyways I gotta go, too much work to do, and its Friday.

current mood: blank

(2 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, October 8th, 2002
9:31 am - Carrying on......
Hey people!

Someone left a message on my LJ, it wasnt a very nice one, but i found it funny.
The person offended me at first? but after reading the comment once more, i somehow agree with this person.
Apparently....well not apparently I write too much about women, my life evolves around women. Which is true it does and i do write too much about them.
Secondly whatever i write , to this person seems to think that it's made up.
Thirdly this person seems to think that Indian girls dont jump into bed with men so soon. Ok that was the part that made me laugh the loudest.

Hokey dokey???? Its time for me to express my feelings and thoughts.

I have chosen to write about the interesting parts of my life, on my diary. Things that I can look back on later on in life and laugh or cry or just .....smile.
I have kept a diary for the last four years. The last three years are written down in paper journals.
Ever since I have started working for the Tax office i have been writing about my life in Diaryland and now recently in LJ, theres only one reason I choose to type it rather than write it is frankly because Im at work and it makes me look busy.
There are so many people out there who contrast their diaries, they write about there studies/feelings/escapades/parties/relationships the only parts of my life that i dont focus on deeply are my family ( too personal) and my working life ( boring) which leaves my social life.
Personally i dont care if anyone reads my diary or not, honestly its for me, and just me, if people want to read it then thats fine, if they dont then thats fine too.

There are so many people out there typing on the net and communicating with people, they pretend to be someone they are not, they could be a 200kg freakshow but they can say that they have a muscular physique, they try to make themselves look good and be extra nice.

They sugar coat their words and act like their sh-t dont stink.

Oh it does.

Listen.....sorry read...Asian girls...what can i say about asian girls.
Apparently they dont jump into bed with men that easily, they have morales, self repsect, they have values, they are cultured, they are god fearing????

Yeeeeaaaaahhhh riiiiiiggggggghhhhttttt!!!!!
I have been with and met and talked and socialised with so many different types of women.
Out of all the women that i have met asian women are the fakest. When a white or black girl wants you, wants to be with you, wants to make love with you, they dont beat about the bush, they go in for the kill, they say how and what they feel, if they fancy you theres a 70% chance that you can bed them in the first night , if you meet them in a club or bar, where music and drink are like aphrodisiacs.
No i dont mean banging drunk girls but girls that are chilled.
Asian girls however have this false self repsect, they act so unobtainable, they think/act like they are too good for you. They are women at the end of the day they lust after men like every other women out there the difference is they show it less, because of their upbringing. I have seen girls act so decent in their hometown but once they go on holiday or move out they f-ck around like sluts. Why cos they are free to do whatever they want. Every woman lusts after someone, every woman thinks about sex, and every woman straight or gay needs sex.

I at one stage of my life hated asian girls they acted so stuck up,so..hard to get, they want a man to chase them for so f-ing long, until they give in, and when they do they want commitment, sometimes life-long commitment, and then when you do commit, when you pin your hopes on her being your wife some end up sayin something like....." my parents say that we cant get married, your muslim im Hindu, it will never work." how many friends do you know have messed up their lives for the love of an asian girl
gone wrong?

I dont know if this is common in the U.S, but in London there are more heartbroken Desi men than women.

The person who commented that asian girls dont jump into bed so soon is living in a caveman era.Or maybe they havent had as much lick as me.
In London Clubs are pick up haunts for 'one night stands'. Preeti is the first and last girl that I have mentioned that I met in a club. I have had over 30 flings in clubs wiht Desi girls that i havent commented about in my LJ.
My friend Yasin has slept with over 50 girls in the past three years , all of them have been Desi and all of them have been, one night stands.

Dont you think, i have friends? dont you think they share their sexual escapades with each other. Out of ten of my friends how many sexual experiences with Desi girls do you think we can come up with?

You think my LJ is like a 'trashy porn movie' actually it used to be like that, but i have cleaned up my act, i dont go into too much detail like before. Im real, i tell it like it is, and how it is, i speak my mind, i speak the truth...and god damn I love women.

In India, how many prositutes do you think there are, millions, arent they Desi, dont they have morales?
How about Amsterdam in Holland , have you been there, theres one street with so many Desi women displayed in windows, like a meat market.

The only part of the comment that pi--ed me off was the fact that asian women are not sluts, so to speak.

Trust me, there are millions of the bit-hes around.

Another thing....i have notice that in the beginning people write a diary for themselves and then they end up as......entertainment providers, they start to write for the sake of their readers.

One more thing before I go, i think that comment was made by a man, not a girl.

I dont mind, keep them coming.

I hope this post hasnt caused offence to anyone, if it has......who cares?.......not me.


current mood: productive

(4 comments | comment on this)

Monday, October 7th, 2002
10:48 am - Hya
Hya peeps.

Yawn, yawn, yawn thats all i seem to be doing ever since i walked into the office.
I am so god damn tired, maaan.
Anyways I decided to not think about women, so much and concentrate on other things and people in my life.

I have to say this though, I did meet up with Preeti on Thurday. I picked her up near her house, and then drove to a remote lovers rock kinda place. Its like a long strectch of field and theres a lake with ducks and stuff, its really nice and at night you can see lots of cars parked up with steamy windows, bouncing up and down, haahaah.

So i parked up and we sat there and she was looking at me funny as soon as i switched the engine off. She had the kinda look that said "did he bring me here to do mer or something, cos if he is , he's moving too fast" i know thats going too far but i can really read into peoples facial expressions.

I actually brought her here to end something before it started. I had some green with me and i rolled a really long one,long as a MacD's straw.

We both became really relaxed and I opened up so much, cos she was asking so many questions.
She could be a really good shrink if she wanted to.
I told her about Shanti then i remebered that she already knew cos Rokib had told her at Tiger Tiger.

Then i told her that i couldnt have a relationship with her, and im a reluctant player because i give into women so easily, and that im a bit of a male slut.

She really liked my honesty and then she told me that she wasnt after a relationship, because i didnt seem trustworthy, and she wouldnt want her heartbroken. She said that it would be nice for me to be bed-buddy but nothing more.

I thought that at the end of the night she would be upset and feel used, but it was me who felt like that.

Now i know how women feel, when they are used. I think im getting a taste of my own medicine.

I dropped her off home and then went round to Shanti's, she has finally moved back with Neelam.

Shanti wasnt in she was at her mothers but when Neelam saw how upset i looked she invited me in, and offered me a cup of coffee, which i accepted.

She was upset too as she had split up with her man. He was white by the way and her brother had caught them together and he grassed her up to her family and they had a family meeting and they told her to get rid of her man, it wasnt so hard to get rid of him as he was cheating on her anyway???? Dont ask me its her relationship.

So we were both upset, so i rolled up another Macds straw and i got high on my own cos she dont smoke.
Whe i was stoned i was having flashbacks of lying in bed with Shanti and her telling me that im 'just a f-ck' basically and then Preeti saying that she didnt want a relationship, and then Nuria holding my 'ahem ahem' and saying that she didnt want any other woman to have this.

I felt like a f-ing accessory to these girls and all that time i thought i was playing them when they were just playing me.

Neelam put her arm around me and then she asked me why i was so upset and then i explained, and she made me feel so much better, she told me about all the other qualities i have and she did make me feel special.
She then said that if i wasnt with Shanti then she would definately hook up with me. Then we had a moment of silence and we just stared at each other, and i felt the butterflies in my stomach and i felt nervous for some reason, as if something was about to happen.

I felt very vulnerable, i fetl like i needed to be loved. I jsut hugged her real tight , and she muttered that this felt so good and 'just what i need'.

She pulled away and then looked at me and then stroked my face, she then said that Shanti was very lucky to have me. Then she stroked my lips with her thumb, and she was biting her own lip, i could see her pupils were dilated big time, she was definately taking adavntage of my so called vulnerable state.

I then broke ' the vibe' and mde an excuse to go to the toilet, where i had the longest p-ss ever. I thought about what was going on out there and i had to come to my senses and realise that this is wrong and i am her friends man, and this situation could become very messy.

So as soon as i came out the toilet i picked up my keys and said that i have to go.

She asked me why but i just muttered 'dont worry' and walked out.

Am i a woman in a mans body or what? The tables are turning, how the hell are these women taking advantage of me? How come girls nowadays are so sexually confident and forward? Women are definately the new men.

On a brighter note I went to visit my cousin who ihavent seen in the longest time, she is 30 and has three adorable kids, made me feel kinda broody actually, i just love kids, and they love me too.

I cant wait to be a father.

I also took Shanti out for a meal on Sunday and it was nice, I appreciate her more now, after my chat with Preeti and Neelam. We also watched 'Boat Trip' which was quite funny but it had too many mens asses on display, which was like eeeeuuuuggghh!!!!

My new motto is 'less women, less problems'.

I have to go now i wanted to write so much, and tell you all so mcu, but ,not enough time.

current mood: aggravated

(comment on this)

Tuesday, October 1st, 2002
10:39 am - I for got to say.............
I forgot to say that Kavitha's parents are in London, they came to check out my main man Rich.

They approved of him and they have met his whole family and both families really like each other and the wedding is gonna happen during the Christmas holidays.

I am sooooo beyond excited for both of them, and im really happy that i didnt go all the way with K.

Im kind of frustated ............as usual.

I have a date with Preeti this Thursday but i made the date when Shanti and i were on a break/split so ??? I didnt expect Shanti to come back to me, .................so soon.

Now she's back, im happy and not happy, im not happy cos i wanted to get closer to Preeti.

I want people such as Akash,Raddy and Ankur and anyone else who maybe reading this to help me decide on which girl is best for me, just give me your opinion in a form of a score ie 7/10, or just tell me who to be with its upto you!

People please do this for me.


The choice is yours, you maybe wondering why i put Sonya or Farzana in there, well, because i work with them i see them more than anyone else, and day by day im getting closer to both of them.

(1 comment | comment on this)

Monday, September 30th, 2002
1:29 pm - what the?
I wrote such a long post but i dont know where the hell it is? everytime i click 'refresh' it goes to the beignning instead of refreshing the page, im so frustratted and fed up, i just hope people such as Raddy have better luck, Raddy i have updated becasue of your request for me to do so, good luck Hon!

(comment on this)

11:20 am - Im ba ack!
Wow i have been away for so long, well one week actually but it feels quite long.

Last Friday, it was my friend Yasin's Birthday. I got a text message from him telling me to meet him and the boys in " The Zoo Bar".
While i was about to leave the building i met Farzana and Sonya at the lifts.
They asked me where i was going and i told them, they wanted to come along and i said they coudlnt. Guss why ? Because both these girls are mighty fine, and they are my friends and i have been physical with both of them, and beileve it or not, well you might believe me , but i have stated before that i get attached to women very easily, and i do have some feelings for these girls. Get to the pint already! sorry , sorry sometimes i babble so much.
The point is i am one of those guys who doesnt want his freinds to taste what he has tasted, simple as that, dont want one of my frinds to hook up with one of these girls, i wouldnt want.............okay okay im thinking too far ahead but what i really dont want happening is one of my friends ending up with one of my conquests, me being who i am wouldnt want to face them, just one look at her, knowing that ive slept with her, and now she is my friends wife!!!!

Yeah i know what your thinking, but you never know what lies ahead, in the future.
I nearly always ( when i am sober)think ahead.

So i made my way to the bar and there were only 6 of them there, the rest were yet to turn up.

Whe i got there they were all sitting there quietloy hardly anyone was chatting, they were just staring at women in the bar.

So i went to the bar and ordered 12 Sambuca shots and then, walked across the bar carrying a tray full of shots.

I made them all slam them down, and then things livened up.
One of the boys called Sandeep is one Punjabi who can not handle his alcohol. He was drunk from two shots and sat there with a huge grin on his face, and then he kept laughing for no reason. The music was getting louder and louder and slowly slowly people were flowing through the doors. Sandeep got up and he started to dance.............like a fool, he was Bhangra dancing to Nelly's Hot in Herre track, and he was making funny noises like " oh balle , balle" and then " hooorrrrrr, harrrippa". We were laughing our asses off, i had to hold my stomach cos it was hurting so much.

He kept looking at us and shouting " come on boys" and as soon as he would look at us we would turn our faces the other way as if we didnt know him.

I am so evil, i wnet upto him and said 'come here bro, you must be thirsty, let me buy you a drink' I bought him a triple Vodka and i said ' go-on bro knock it back' and he did.

Now he was fu--ed!!! ha haa heee heee!

He was dancing like a chicken for god sake.
Four more of our friends turned up and now there were ten of us, and we were drinking heavily, i was fu--ed too.

I then saw Sandeep sitting down holding his head and i felt so guilty so i asked him if he was ok and he said he wasnt and he wanted to puke, so i took him to the bathroom and then i put his head under a cold tap, and then escorted him outside to get some fresh air.

We were standing in an alleyway and i was standing in front of him covering him from the public, while he was vomiting like the exorcist.

Suddenly i saw a very familiar black Mercedes, park up, and then a middle aged man stepped out and walked into a building.

Then the back door opened and lo and behold it was Nuria, my beloved Nuria.

These feelings of love, and excitement and madness just spurged out. I shouted "Nooooorriiiiaaaa" and she turned around and looked in my direction she squinted her eyes and then her mouth fell open.

I was thinking should i run upto her or is that too 'filmi' and then........i ran upto her and hugged her real tight and without thinking grabbed her face and kissed real hard on the lips ( no tongues, mind you).

me - oh baby i missed you so much, ( i truly realise how much i have missed her, and i forgot how gorgeous she was)

her - i missed you so much too, why didnt you return any of my calls, why didnt you call me

me - well, your gonna get engaged or yoiu are engaged to some next man, so i didnt want to hurt myself by calling you.

her - im glad in a way that you didnt i would never be able to get over you, if we kept in touch

me - so are you married?

her - no, not yet, im engaged to him and ive only met him three times.

me - My poor babyShe then gave me one of those lookes that said " you put me in this sh-t", and i replied the look by looking down. We then let go of each other, and i swear to god i felt like crying, i had a lump in my throat, and i could feel my mouth tremble, i could see her eyes welling up with water. I realised that i love/d her, alot. We then let go of each other and then she told me that she had to go before her dad returned.

Before she got into the car she turned around and gave me one last look , i could see tears rolling down her face, even typing this at the moment, im haveing flashbacks, and i feel like crying, i dont know why but just thinking about her makes me emotional.

Anyways i dont want to get into too much detail, i am at work you know.

Sunday night Farzana calls me and tells me that one of her friends called Nasreen, invited her and a friend to the 'opening party of her dads posh new restaurant' and if i will be her date for the evening cos she doesnt know anyone there apart from Nasreen, so she is gonna feel a bit left out, so i accompanied her.

The Restaurant was called " Dawaat " which means invitation.

It was very modern and they went for the contemporary look.

That was where i got the food poisoning from.
The food didnt last one hour in my stomach and i had to emergency stop the car to vomit in the main road.

Anywayzz, I took three days off work and but i only needed two so on Wednesday Shanti came over to mine, she made me some Oat porridge, and she told me that she really missed me, and that she changed her mind about keeping our distance, from each other, and that there was no presure on me to marry her or promise her commitment, but all she wants me to be is faithful and honest.

I asked her why she changed her mind, and she told me that she spoke to a few of her friends and they said that " i was right to be honest, cos alot of men are lairs out there and then they said that, im not a bas--rd for not commiting cos im still young and eventually if i love her then i wil commit, which is true"

So i said.... i said so much....so much that i cant be arsed to type it.

I told her the " you can do better than me....leave me, find somebody else, who treats you better speech" which she wouldnt let me finish cos she started to nibble my ears and rubbing my " chi chi chi" and she woke up the DRAGON heeh hee ( Akash & Ankur that bit was for you).

So we ended up in bed, and we all lived happily ever after ( for that night ).

(comment on this)

> previous 20 entries
> top of page